A written text, as well as a Audio version in which a speaker calmly performs a rendition of the text which consists of a succession of terse, matter-of-fact one-sentence descriptions of performances and actions by famous artists. Each sentence beginning with the first-person pronoun ‘I’, giving the impression that the speaker's admission of responsibility is both a confession and a boast.
The work has been exhibited as lecture performance at Kunsthalle Basel, Bundeskunsthalle Bonn, Austrian Cultural Forum Praha and as audio work at Bluecoat (Liverpool) and Arquipélago (Ribeira).

I cleaned the street. I cleaned and disinfected a street corner. I highly polished a subway rail. I paint balustrades in public space. I weed traffic islands. I clean street signs. I refurbish zebra crossings with white paint. I cleaned a public trash can. I restore holes in house walls with Lego stones. I plant trees in front of advertising panels. I also plant trees in front of advertising panels. I cleaned the square in front of a museum. I brushed my teeth on the street. I brushed my teeth on the street and washed my hair in a fountain. I went swimming in the fountain of a shopping center. I place my sofa on a public square for common use. I shit in a public square. I filled my own shit into tins. I jumped into a drain and walked through the city wearing my stinking clothes. I collected all the dog-doos that I found in the city. I decorate dog-doos with sweets. I secretly put sweets in people’s pockets. I decorate waste on the street with a ribbon. I collect broken objects from the street, fix them, and put them back to the place where I found them. I walk around with magnetic shoes, so that small metal pieces stick to them. I also walked around with magnetic shoes. I walk over parking cars. I walked over Brooklyn Bridge on its railing. I walked 125 kilometers without sleep. I walked, wearing a white tuxedo, through a slum in Kenia. I walked with a boom-box through the city and replayed fictive advertisements. I carried a bucket of water through the city for the entire day. I carried a hand of sand through the city for the entire day. I pushed a block of ice through the city until it was completely melted. I pulled a sand stone through the city until it was completely abraded. I pulled a boat through the dessert. I did a walk through the Harz mountains and orientated myself with a map of London. I swam along the entire Mississippi. I also swam along the entire Mississippi. I walk on a straight line eastwards. I am diving through Europe. I illegally passed the border between the USA and Mexico in a surfboard box. I cross borders without my papers at places that are not controlled. I staged a front crash of a German and a Polish car on a German-Polish border crossing. I walked with a double-Honecker through East Berlin. I dressed up as an SS soldier at the Cologne carnival and did the Hitler salute. I dressed up as a soldier and robbed through the city. I dressed up as a general and tried to hitchhike. I dressed up as a Bulgarian policeman and regulated the traffic. I dressed up as Snow White and tried to enter Disneyland but they didn‘t let me in. I wore a new Hugo Boss suit and went hiking in Sweden for several weeks without changing the suit. I wore a pair of tights over my head and went shopping. I dressed up with a robber mask and got myself a portray from a street artist. I also dressed up with a robber mask and got myself a portrait from a street artist. I tattoo people on the street without any experience in tattooing. I cut my coat into two pieces and wear one piece each day for one year. I cut salami slices into squares and place them on paving stones. I wear only clothes that have all the same color. I fixed the thread of my wool sweater in my apartment and went for a walk, so that the sweater slowly dissolved. I removed the white lint from strangers’ clothing without comment. I wore a suit plastered with seeds and placed myself in a public square spread full of pigeons. I sewed a dress out of old fish and walked through the city. I soaked my clothes in a broth of vinegar, milk, cod liver oil, and eggs and wore them for the entire day. I tried to sell the clothes that I‘m wearing on the street. I wore a suit and asked a less well-dressed pedestrian to change clothes with me; this principle I repeated until I ended up with the rags of an homeless. I invited a beggar from Mexico, who earns his money by guarding cars, to a guided-tour in the Daimler factory in Germany. I pushed an old Volkswagen Beetle through the streets of Wolfsburg. I crafted a Porsche 911 out of concrete and placed it in a parking spot. I mount police sirens on parked cars. I transform parked cars with stickers into police cars.

Lecture Performance (accompanied by Jiří Kovanda on the remote-controlled car), Fauxenthicity, Austrian Cultural Forum Praha, 2019.

I ordered hundreds of taxis in the same place in the city center. I put wrong speed limits on road signs. I put barriers and fences in pedestrian zones. I blew up a huge balloon in the subway during rush hour. I dropped buttermilk in front of supermarkets. I dropped cans with white paint on the street. I asked friends to drop things and to write a report about it. I dropped a car on the ground. I dropped a vase from the Han dynasty. I dropped a small red flower out of my apartment on the street. I left a set of blank keys on the street. I lift out and exchange manhole covers. I wrote the newspaper headlines on zebra crossings. I wrote with oil, the word “Oil“ on the water in the bay of San Francisco. I kicked a book about Lenin across the Red Square. I shoot on books, cut them into pieces, and burn them. I wrote a book without any word that contains an “e”. I printed Kant’s “Critique of Pure Reason” without any words, so that only the punctuation marks remain. I ordered Foucault’s “The order of things” alphabetically. I ordered Franz Kafka’s novel “The Metamorphosis” alphabetically. I ordered James Joyce’s novel “Ulysses” alphabetically. I ordered the last speech by Malcolm X alphabetically. I ordered the Bible alphabetically. I got an ISBN number and tattooed it on my body. I mess up bookstores by changing the positions of books. I mess up libraries by changing the positions of books. I smuggled my own books into libraries. I hide my drawings in library books. I make drawings in stationery shops on the papers that are used for testing pens. I collect the papers from stationery shops on which people tested pens. I place my photographs in the picture frames in furniture stores. I showed my private video on a television in an electronics store. I also showed my private video in an electronics store. I build sculptures in the aisles of hardware stores with the materials that I find there. I smuggled a chocolate Santa Clause at Easter time into the supermarket and purchased it again. I only purchase products that have all the same color. I take a soap out of its packaging, put it in my pocket, and buy the empty package. I made a soap out of the fat sucked out of Silvio Berlusconi. I jump into peoples’ shopping carts and ask: “May I get a ride?” I say to a cashier: “You have beautiful hands.” I exchanged, unnoticed, products between Aldi and Lidl. I also exchanged products between supermarkets. I shoot the products that I want to purchase with bow and arrow. I buy a shirt at H&M, exchange a button with a slightly different one, and return the shirt. I buy toys, modify them slightly, and return them. I printed political messages on returnable Coca Cola glass bottles. I stand with a sign in the city; the sign says “I am lonely”. I stand with a sign on the road and hitchhike; the sign says “Nowhere”. I stand with a sign on the street; the sign says “Don‘t throw away the superfluous thoughts”. I stand with a sign on the street; the sign says “I want to become a millionaire”. I stand with a sign in the city; the sign says “I am a man”. I walk with a sign through the city; the sign says “I‘m looking for nobody”. I stand with a sign at the arrivals of an airport; the sign says “Pablo Picasso”. I purchase the signs from beggars. I organized a demonstration with blank signs. I demonstrate with your message on the street. I ask people to formulate a radical thought. I wrote instructions for a bank robbery. I threw a few hundred one-dollar notes from the visitors’ gallery to the brokers at the New York Stock Exchange. I directed a play in front of surveillance cameras. I kidnapped a city tour bus. I threatened to kidnap a museum director. I kidnapped a candidate for the California governorship during the election campaign. I break into houses and build sculptures out of furniture. I break into houses and steal an egg. I plant small trees on other people’s private properties. I attack famous people with cream cakes. I attacked a French warship with a model boat. I walked with a loaded revolver in the streets of Mexico City. I walked with a machine gun in the streets of Belgrade. I asked strangers if I could frisk them. I build firearms. I build non-functional land mines and place them in parks. I gild landmines and offer them as an investment. I disarm toys. I equip toys with weapons. I slapped Mickey Mouse in Disneyland. I stole various things from stores and exhibited them. I also stole various things and exhibited them. I steal the works of other artists from their exhibitions. I stole the work from other artists from their exhibitions and placed them in my own show. I also steal works from artists and put them in my show. I steal small parts of works by other artists and create miniature exhibitions of the artists. I advertised a job for an art thief in a newspaper. I stole the painting “The Poor Poet” by Carl Spitzweg from the Berlin National Gallery and hang it in the living room of a Turkish family. I take pictures down from the museum walls and place them on the floor. I stole hubcaps from cars. I have stolen 120 car radios. I stole clothes from C&A. I smuggled joints in a model airplane across a border. I smuggled cocaine in a Hugo Chavez-doll across the border. I smuggled bull sperm in a tuned motorcycle to Cuba. I tore a chicken. I cut off a chicken’s head. I chained dogs in front of a museum. I leashed a stray dog in a gallery and gave neither food nor water to the animal. I put sheep inside a museum. I put a fox inside a museum. I put a cat and a mouse inside a museum. I put horses inside a gallery. I put a gold fish inside a washing machine. I put a goldfish inside a blender filled with water. I tattoo pigs. I tried to teach barking to a bird. I gave a concert for cows. I gave a concert for a melon. I design dresses for road-kill animals. I cook meals out of human meat and eat it. I ate the corpse of a stillbirth. I concrete a dead fetus in a concrete cube. I wiped the floor with the blood of murdered people. I had sex with the corpse of a dead woman; then I castrated myself. I offer heroin to addicted people for tattooing them a line across their backs. I let someone shoot in my arm. I chopped my right hand. I asked a knife thrower to throw knives at me. I offered people to throw darts at me and rewarded each hit with 500 Euros. I pushed a nail through my hand. I made blood sausages from my own blood. I also made blood sausages from my own blood. I got a rib removed. I burned down a temple in order to get famous. I peed on Marcel Duchamp’s “Fountain”. I also peed on Marcel Duchamp’s “Fountain”. I tried to smash Duchamp’s “Fountain” with a hammer. I put black ink in Damien Hirst’s “Sheep” and called it “Black Sheep”. I erased the drawing of another artist. I slept in Tracey Emin’s “My Bed”. I sprayed over a Mondrian painting.

Lecture Performance (performed by Hans-Peter Anschütz), Kunsthalle Basel, 2011.

I colored the water of fountains with red color. I put soap into fountains. I forced my gallerist to jump around like a rabbit. I hung my gallerist on the wall with tape. I worked as a gallery assistant during my exhibition. I cleaned the rooms of the gallery during my exhibition. I worked in a psychiatric clinic for the entire duration of my exhibition. I had sex with a collector and video taped it. I gave a blow job to my gallerist. I transformed the museum into a swinger club. I offered the visitors of my exhibition to have sex with a prostitute for free. I masturbated in a gallery. I took sleeping pills and slept in the gallery. I lived inside movable walls in a museum for one week. I dressed up as a dominatrix and offered lashes to an art collector. I puked into a gallery booth at an art fair. I trained museum workers in team building. I counted the visitors of my exhibition. I hid myself in the gallery during the opening of my exhibition. I asked the guests of my exhibition: “How are you?” I whispered into the ear of the visitors of my exhibition: “You have bad breath.” I welcome the visitors of my exhibition with the sentence: “Hello, you are stinking.” I carry the visitors of a museum into the exhibition space. I transport the oxygen from one exhibition space to the next one. I walk through the museum and say in front of every image “Oh, how beautiful.” I search in the wall-texts of exhibitions for typos and correct them. I asked the visitors of my exhibition to walk around with open laces. I walked through a museum with my fly open. I sprinted through a museum. I also sprinted through a museum. I did fifteen push-ups inside a museum. I ran a marathon inside the Tate Modern. I made a race against a firework rocket. I fought successively against one hundred men. I fought against Mongolian wrestlers. I climbed on a huge statue and smoked a cigarette. I stand for one hour balancing on the rim of an empty metal dustbin. I swam through the canals of Venice. I roll through the city. I ran back and forth in front of a Nike Store. I go for walks with a turtle on a leash. I sit on a bench and count out loud as far as possible. I am chained with handcuffs to a bus stop bench. I attached air balloons on my body and took off. I write messages on the sky with a plane. I empty a helium gas cylinder into the atmosphere. I farted in a crowded elevator. I farted in a gallery space. I created a perfume with the smell of a subway station. I filled the air of Paris into bottles. I emptied out a perfume in the mountains. I threw rhinestones into parks. I went into a forest and threw a coin into a puddle. I threw gold into the river Seine. I threw a diamond into a field. I transformed a diamond into coal. I place each day one Euro at the same public place. I place every day a full bottle of beer on the same bench. I offer a punk to play paper-scissors-stone for his chance to win one Euro. I go with a beggar into a supermarket and pay him products for ten Euros. I emptied a bucket filled with pennies into a fountain. I persuaded a beggar in Vienna to wear a Mozart wig; afterwards his income increased. I scribble on bank notes and put them back into circulation. I destroyed money and let a museum finance the action. I produce counterfeit money. I ask homeless people to wear a badge that says “Observer”. I passed by the same beggar every two minutes and gave him twenty cents. I sent twenty Eurocents to a friend in the United States and asked him to give the money to a beggar. I offer money to people in the subway. I recite my CV in the subway. I eat money. I ate a Pizza in a Pizzeria as slow as possible. I requested support money for my new art project that was a surgery for my teeth. I painted a check with which I paid my dentist. I went shopping in a mall carrying a transparent plastic bag, which contained about one thousand Euro in small notes. I transformed myself into a stock corporation. I got notarized that I cleaned my teeth on November 27th at 7:30 pm. I didn‘t enter a house for one year. I count every step I make in the course of a day. I send a postcard to a person and write when I got up. I asked my grandmother to write me a postcard every day. I sent the very same letter to myself again and again and again. I got a stamp licked by a giraffe in the zoo. I sent canvases by airmail without packing them. I sent Charles Lindbergh’s book “My flight over the ocean” by airmail to the USA without packing it. I operated a private postal service and delivered the post during my private trips. I applied to become mayor of a small American town and got elected. I opened a travel office where I offered time travels. I buy one square meter of land in various countries. I opened a kebab shop in my studio. I placed an advertisement in the newspaper and offered people to repair a damage in their house for free. I produce wine that I sell during my openings. I only serve non-alcoholic drinks at my openings. I sell drinks to the people during the traffic red light phase. I sell snow balls on the street. I produced merchandising articles for myself. I finance my artwork with gambling tricks. I do all my activities to 33%. I stopped making art for one year. I stopped making art for thirteen years. I stopped making art completely. I also stopped making art. I gave a present to someone with the advice to open it only in one hundred years. I took an employment and refused all work they gave me. I sleep at the workplace of other people. I try to sleep as much as possible. I spend the day at one bus stop waiting for, running for, and missing busses. I pass the same zebra crossing again and again and again and again. I offer people on the street to wash their dirty dishes. I ask people on the street to dance with me. I offer people on the street to touch my breasts. I follow a person on the street who looks like me from behind. I hired a detective to tail me. I follow a random person on the street until he goes into a private space. I try to enter cars that are waiting on a red light. I ask all people wearing a red jacket what time it is. I stand on the street and preach good news. I recite the ABCs every morning, so that God can make a prayer out of it. I went to a medium to get in contact with dead artists and asked them questions on contemporary art. I went to a fortune teller and then I did what he told me. I went to a fortune teller to know about my success for the next exhibition. I collect my bogeys to rebuilt the Amber Room out of them. I water a plant only with Coca Cola. I broke off the top of the Zugspitze. I flew to London, went to the toilet, and flew back. I went to the epicenter of an earthquake and buried a cough drop. I flooded a city and transformed it into a pond. I roll down of rooftops. I climbed on a tree and sawed off the branch that I was sitting on. I drank alcohol until I fell off the chair. I walked on a semi-frozen lake until I broke through the ice. I traveled with a sailing boat in the sewage system of Vienna. I built a boat out of paper and went sailing with it. I built a boat out of ice. I tried to cross the Atlantic in a small sailing boat; since then I‘m missing.